Thursday, August 26, 2010

Mid-season slump?

I felt great after my 8.33 mile run on Saturday, I wasn't sore at all.  I was kind of expecting to be a little sore, but I really wasn't.  Seth and I even went out to a fancy party for our neighbor's 50th wedding anniversary that night.  I even wore heels, not crazy ones, but heels none the less!  We had a fantastic time at the party.  We are so blessed to have such wonderful neighbors!!  They have just included us from day 1 of living here. It was so lovely to talk to them.  And they were all SO incredibly supportive of me training for the 1/2 marathon! 

Sunday morning we got up for church and I wasn't sore, but this incredible feeling of exhaustion settled over me.  I can't quite explain it, but it was almost if I could fall asleep at any moment and had pretty much zero ambition.  At first it was ok, but then it started getting on my nerves, I would have been so happy sitting on the couch doing nothing.  The girls were tired on Sunday so we just had a quiet day around here.  It was a lovely day on Monday so we went to the playground.  It was a lot of fun!  But when we got home, I didn't really want to do anything. 

I was scheduled for a 4 mile run on Tuesday.  When my alarm went off, it was so dark outside and I thought I heard rain.  So I turned off my alarm and rolled over and went back to sleep.  When I did wake up, I realized that it wasn't raining and I was pretty disappointed in myself, but I also felt like I got a bit of extra sleep.  Which I probably needed since we spent the day walking all over the Baltimore Zoo.  I love the Baltimore Zoo, this was the first time we have been all year.  We met friends there and we had a great time, except that I thought I yelled to much.  I was tired and wasn't at my best with the girls.  I was pretty disappointed in myself. That night, I met up with some friends to go out to dinner.  I'm very blessed to be friends with these incredible women!  We have been friends for 5 years, we all met in a support group for brand new Moms.  We had a wonderful time, it's so great to go out with my friends.  We talked about EVERYTHING!!!  The food was good, the company was great.  I think I got home around 10:30 and it felt like it was like 2 in the morning for some reason.  Again, this feeling of exhaustion was just overwhelming. 

I didn't even set my alarm for Wednesday morning.  I didn't even try to get up, but then the girls got up around 7:30 and I figured I needed to get the day started.  We ate breakfast and then we headed out to the grocery store, which was kind of a disaster.  Our grocery store has these little carts for kids.  It sounds like a good idea, right?  It's the worst idea EVER!  Both girls of course needed one and then they fought over what got put into each cart.  They ran and didn't watch where they were going.  Each one of them ran into my ankles at full force.  OMG, it hurt!!!  I tried to include them in the shopping and there were moments when they were a big help.  But for the most part, I think I just looked the worst mother ever with my children running amuck and me just yelling.  I was not happy.  When we got home, things improved a bit and we had an ok afternoon until dinner time and then the whining started and I had zero patience.  I knew I was off my game, and I just seemed to make matters worse. Nothing was right for the girls and I felt like I was at the end of my rope!  I couldn't wait for Seth to come home. 

Was I depressed?  I'm not sure.  Was I anxious?  Maybe.  Was I tired?  Absolutely!  All these things combined to make me a not so good Mommy.  It was at this point, that I realized that I hadn't run since Saturday, could there be a connection?  Or was I just on the edge of a breakdown?  I decided that I wanted to believe it was because I hadn't run in 5 days and come hell or high water I was going to run this morning!!  I had to turn things around.  I wasn't sure it was all just the girls, I was pretty sure that I was to blame for a lot of the yuckiness around here this week.  I told Seth that no matter what I had to get up and he said that when the alarm went off, he would kick me out of bed.  I said that wasn't quite necessary but a gentle nudge would be helpful. 

So the alarm went off at 5:45, and it was still dark out!  YUCK!  I lay in bed for a moment trying to get my motivation to get up.  It seemed like an eternity, but finally I got up.  I changed my clothes, checked the weather on my Ipod and saw that the sunrise was at 6:30.  Yuck!  I decided that I needed to head out through the neighborhood, the path would be dark.  The temperature was perfect though!  I walked and stretched out for a bit and then I started running.  It felt great!!!  I was listening to great songs and I was in my groove!!  I ran through the neighborhood for a bit and then ran laps around the pond by my house.  I'm pretty sure I didn't have any deep thoughts, I was just in the moment of putting my foot in front of the next.  I'm pretty sure I completely zoned out for awhile.  Sometimes when so much is going on, you need a few moments of just not thinking about anything.  It was a good run, I had some technical difficulties around mile 4, my Ipod just stopped the music and my workout.  So I had to restart both of them, not sure why that happened but whatever.  Even that didn't seem to really bother me today.  I ran a total of 5.17 miles this morning.  When I got home, both girls were awake and excited to see me.  It was a fantastic way to start the day! 

We have had such an incredibly different day today.  I'm working really hard on not yelling and I've asked the girls to really work on their listening!  It's teamwork for sure!  We went to Target and we even went to the mall and there were no meltdowns, no yelling, it was like we were all different people.  Well maybe not all different, but I sure was different.  I need to remember that when I least feel like running, is probably when I need it the most.  I have come to rely on that time and I cherish it.  And I'm sure it makes me a better mother and person, I have more patience, more energy and a brighter outlook on life.  I have a pretty easy week in training coming up, I'm glad since Sarah starts kindergarten on Monday, I need to figure out our new morning routine.  I'm sure it will be chaotic at moments, but that's all part of it, right? 

5 miles on Saturday morning, I'm looking forward to it.  On 9/5, I'm scheduled for a 10 mile run!!! YIKES!!!! Then the training really kicks up a notch!!  I will be putting in some serious mileage in September, gearing up for October!  It's not that far away anymore, I think I'm through mid-season now!   


  1. Wow! What insight you have... About your training, your mental state, your physical state, emotional, spiritual... it's amazing. A lot of people spend their whole lives looking for what you have now... An awareness of self..

    anyway.. you inspire and amaze me!

  2. Didn't someone say life is made up of chaos and controlles chaos....
    You sound good, healthy in all aspects!!!
    You go girl!